I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You ate ashes out of my bong
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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