my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
