Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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