Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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