The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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