babies were throwing up all over the place
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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