my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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