They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
