drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
