I wish my penis had an off switch
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
