TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
