TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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