we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
