went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
