I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize