He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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