Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
