I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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