to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
