I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
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