Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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