Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
