Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
