Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
