I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
