i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
