I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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