was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Randomize
