I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
