Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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