So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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