I can tuck mytits in my pants
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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