She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
