I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
