Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
