she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize