I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize