there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
