i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
