the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize