I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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