ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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