You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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