no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
