OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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