hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize