So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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