You're a womanizer and a bitch.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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