you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize