This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
