at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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