We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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