she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
you are never too drunk for berry picking
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
