Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
