Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
