You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You ate ashes out of my bong
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
