Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
