he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
