The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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