I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
