I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
