I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
