I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
