Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
even my farts smell like vagina
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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