This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
