ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
