I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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