i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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