At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
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