just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
