I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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