Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
