went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
